Last week I received an unsolicited text from a former colleague and friend, that just said “you don’t suck”. Not sure how she knew that I needed to hear that message on that day, but I did. And this is the power of having a “you don’t suck buddy” (YDSB) and why everyone should have one.
The concept is simple. Find someone that you are totally comfortable being vulnerable with to reach out to when you are having one of those days and ask them to remind you that you in fact do not suck! They are your private cheerleader, sending you good vibes and encouraging you from the sidelines. They have your back and believe in you with no strings attached.
I was so humbled a few years ago, in the midst of an otherwise unmemorable project update meeting, when a colleague boldly asked me if I would be her YDSB. I honestly had no idea what she was talking about. Over 30 years working in corporate organizations, many of them in HR and leadership roles, and I had never heard of a YDSB. Immediately I was sold. What a brilliant idea.
There are countless texts and phone calls, some solicited, some unsolicited between me and my YDSB. Each a reminder that whatever I am going through is a moment in time and will pass. Each a reminder that I am doing the best I can, sometimes under the hardest of circumstances. And each a reminder that I DON’T SUCK (and neither do they).
While the colleague who introduced me to the YDSB concept and I aren’t in touch as much now, I honor her and the vulnerability she showed me by sharing this notion with many of my coaching clients and now, with anyone reading this blog. I also know I could send her a “you don’t suck” message and she would appreciate it because everyone needs a YDSB and here is why:
Work Can Be Hard:
While over the last decade, companies have definitely become more focused on their employee experiences and culture, we have all been in work situations that can seem lonely. And the pandemic certainly didn’t help with the feelings of isolation. Having a YDSB can help you to put everything into perspective and remind you that you are doing your best.
Sometimes You Need a Bestfriend At Work:
Having a YDSB is one of the easiest ways o foster a best friend at work relationship. The Gallup organization has spent years researching to positive impact having a best friend at work can have. Their findings are compelling and show that having a best friend at work leads to better performance, higher levels of engagement and a strong psychological connection with your employer.
Everyone has an inner critic
We all have that little void inside our head that whispers only negative feedback and commentary, sometimes on a loop track. The truth is that most of would never talk to a colleague or friend the way we talk to ourselves. Research from the Mayo Clinic demonstrates that those of us who can turn negative thoughts into positive ones experience lower levels of depression, have better coping skills during hardships and times of stress, and are more productive at work. Sometimes we need help to quiet that inner voice and who better to help you with that than your own YDSB?
Sold on the idea of finding a YDSB? Look for someone that you already have a connection with and who you believe you can be vulnerable, with no fear of judgement. Then just ask and be prepared that you might have to explain what a YDSB is.
To be a great YDSB consider these tips:
- Set a reminder for yourself so that you can send unsolicited you don’t suck messages.
- When you get the reach out that your YDSB needs you, don’t ask questions about what is going on. Just remind them that they don’t suck. If they want to talk about it, they will.
- Pay attention in meetings and other interactions to changes in your YDSB’s attitude, body language, and tone. Changes in these are all signs that it might be time for you to remind them that they don’t suck.
- Say YES! When someone reaches out and asks you to be their YDSB, say yes. What a compliment and sign of respect that they trust you enough to ask you to do this for them.
I encourage you, if you don’t have a YDSB go find yourself one or maybe more than one.
p.s. if you already have that person in your life, please share what is working between the two of you and what you would like others to know.